Somedays I can't run fast enough

I'm not sure it's running, but I know myself, I go through this flee phase every once in awhile. It's that time of year again. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's because my life feels unimportant and stagnant. Maybe because I fantasize about 80% sunshine 100% of the year. Maybe it's because I realized I could get my old job back in CA, make 3 times more money teaching then I do in my current position. I didn't actually quit my job. I have a teaching credential in CA, not MN. There's nothing I can do in MN next year to make that kind of money. Nothing.

But there's a reason I left in the first place. MN is how I want to live -- community, theater, supporting the arts, co-op's, lively local music scene, neighborhood bars and restaurants. My family is here. I have a solid network of friends and colleagues here. And I feel pretty tangled up in a insane literary circle that I love and appreciate.

But here's the problem: I called the University I graduated from in 1998. I inquired about a teaching license. Apparently, the procedure has changed since I graduated, and my alma mater doesn't even offer a degree in English anymore, it's a degree in Communication Arts and Literature. Therefore I need to take Speech Comm classes. In addition, I am required by the education department to take two classes in "teaching middle school." Are you fucking kidding me? I also need to take two exams -- one subject matter exam, and one professional education exam. I looked online, I will not get my results back until May 31. Whether I pass these lame-o exams or not is not really the issue. If I wait until June to apply for teaching position, chances are slim...

Here's what's really fucked up: When I graduated, all I needed to do was send in a check for $100, and they would have sent me my license.

In addition, I have a clear credential in CA.

So I called the principal at the school I used to teach at in California. They connected me to HR, who wanted to interview me over the phone, on the spot. I can get a job from the district, with a significant increase in pay. PLUS I talked to a guy I used to date (who is now married with two kids, so it's not what you think...) but we talked about investment properties in Long Beach and I mentioned the teaching job... he tld me he owns a studio in Riverside that's be vacant for 4 years. He told me I could live there for free.

Now I'm so freakin' confused because there's no way I can't teach in MN until Fall 08... and the really fucked up thing is I still won't be able to teach at the high school level, but I can teach at community colleges and 4-year universities.

Did I mention that the average temp for January and February was zero degrees? Did I also mention that we're supposed to receive somewhere between 10 and 18 inches of ssnow this weekend?

So what do I do for a year?

Trying to dig myself out

No one forces me to write. I'm suppose to like it, right? But I have had so much shit going on over the past couple weeks, I can't manage to write anything: personal, academic, theraputic, witty, sexy, nothing. I can't manage to.

Here's what I know:

There is a man living in his truck outside my house. He's been there since I got out of the hospital. He puts a propane tank on the ground as he shuts the door.

I can't live in Minnesota during the winters anymore. I thought I could, but I can't. I talked with my former sexy roommate tonight and he told me that tomorrow is going to be 82 degrees in Riverside. Not that I have any desire to live in Riverside again, but it was 7 degrees here today. That's unacceptable. Therefore, it's my goal to be... bicoastal by 2009. Minneapolis is one of the coolest, artsy, supportive, beautiful, musical, fantastic cities in the world... now where can I roam during the hibernation period?

Barak needs to quit smoking if he's running for president. I love it. More power to him. It's tough as hell.

I'm not sure what to puree. I can now, but I'm sticking with soup.

I think it's time to teach again. It's been long enough. If any of you hear about openings let me know. I hope to be in a classroom again by the fall.

My heart has never been better. I'm not talking about silly romantic bullshit heart, I'm talking heart, and it is pounding. And it's beautiful.