Chinese Checkers and Other Evil Games

I have not had access to my my blog. I'm not sure this will even post. So I can't add any photos yet. Sorry for you anti-readers, there will not be any photos in this one.

So we're in Beijing. I'm surly right now so I shouldn't write a proper blog, but I know it's been days.

We left Ulaanbaatar on Monday morning and flew to Tianjing, China. We were told there was some free shuttle to Beijing but when we arrived, after leaving customs, (funny story about the passport control guy having to get a second opinion - he didn't think it was my passport... I wrote a lot about this idea of face and identity in my journal, I just don't have time to get into it right now) we exited into a parking lot. No ATM. No money exchange. No clue.

There were several hooker-style Mongolians on our flight and I watched them cross a large parking lot and load up their things on big white buses. When in doubt, follow the crowd, right?

It took two hours to reach Beijing and when we arrived I was not impressed. Not at all. As many of you know I used to live in Riverside, CA aka Riversmog aka the brown city that burns my eyes. Riverside is 73,042,492 times cleaner than Beijing. I'm never seen such nasty pollution in my life. And the best part is, they are oh-so-proud of being the 2008 Olympic home that this honor is what is getting them to clean up the streets. Apparently when the Olympic officals came to town, they shut off the factories a week before their arrival. So for you Olympic hopefuls... good luck. I would start by smoking a couple packs of Camel filters a day and your lungs may be accustmed to the lovely air quality in Beijing.

And I shouldn't mention the heat. I've lived and traveled in humidity before, but the combination of smog and humidity is appaling.

Anyway, the bus dropped us off at some hotel and we had no idea where we were. None of us had any Yuan (Chinese currency) and we were hot and hungry lugging around our stuff. So where did we three Americans decide to go. Pizza Hut. It was connected to the hotel. It had killer A/C. We figured they would take US dollars (they wouldn't). And it had some strange pirate theme. Arrggghhhh. We were also stoked they were playing a little Bob Marley "One Love" in the background. I'd heard enough crappy American/British pop music - N'synch, Robbie Williams, Celine Dion... it was a nice change. However, the song was on repeat. For over an hour. One Love. Sing it again.

I ran around trying to find an ATM - I went passed KFC, Starbucks, Baskin Robbins... oh this crazy country.

We got money. We got to our hotel. We napped.

I woke up and decided to wander the streets a little while - there's an eerie 1980's b-movie feel to this city. It may be the dirt and construction, the red lights everywhere mixing with the smog. Who knows, but I swear I heard a porn-soundtrack back beat as I walked the streets alone.

I found a restaurant after awhile - or what I assumed was a restaurant because it had the English words Hot and Fresh on the window. I walked into the smoky lobby area and after staring at each for a few minutes and establishing that we don't speak the same langauges, the woman at the front desk called her friend and handed the phone to me. "Oh, I know someone who speaks English" I'm sure she thought.

"Hello?" I asked when she handed me the receiver.
"Hello," a man's voice replied.
"Ummm... I'm at a restaurant."
"I no underrrstand."
"Food? Drink?
"Ah yes, yes, yes," he replied. "What you want?"
"Ummm. Water. Soup."
"Ahhh no... I mean ok."

At that point I decided I needed to buy a Mandarin Dictionary.

I've been struggling to get enough protein in China - everything is a mystery meat.

Yesterday morning (Tuesday) Ben and I got up by 8 to catch the hotel's free breakfast. It was a buffet style collection of mystery products - tasteless porridge, some sauces, brown hard boiled eggs with lime green centers, tasteless fried dough, corn on the cob, sea weed and 3 or 4 true myteries I couldn't sort out what they were.

Amanda got the 24 flu bug that Ben had the other day in Mongolia, so while she spent the day in bed, I spent several hours wandering around by myself. I saw lots of men playing chess and Mah jong on the streets, public napping, and loads of bicycles. When Amanda thought she was feeling better, we walked down to the Forbidden City, bought some art work, and ended up walking back because she couldn't handle drinking liquids.

Public napping is everywhere.


Last night, Linda, Ben's mom, joined us. Ben, Linda and I went to eat hot pot and chat.

This morning (Wednesday) the four of us (Amanda is feeling better) took a bus to the Forbidden City. The Ben show was in full effect. Entire tour groups stopped to take photos of my dear friend Ben and then we took our friend's advice and told people they had to pay to take photos of the Ben. What a fucking disaster. I can't even tell you how many crazy Chinese tourists opened up their wallets to pose with the Ben. A man from Spain approached me and asked if he was famous. "In some way, yes, i guess he is," I replied. Ben charged 1 Yuan (bus fare, it's about 14 cents) Some dude gave him a 10 so he could get pictures with his entire family, one guy gave him a dollar. I stood back several times throughout the afternoon to just witness the pandemonium. Madness. I think Ben's mom was in shock. Amanda and I have witnessed the Ben show for many weeks now (not to mention I had my own Annette show in several countries several years ago). It's really strange to not be part of that show anymore. I certainly am not complaining. I posed for a few pictures (free of charge), but I think it was just a matter of height, not weight.

Forbidden City:


My girl Amanda kicks ass:


After roasting for several hours in the Forbidden City, we stopped at a cafe in between the City and Tiananmen Square. We tried to rehydrate, avoid strange dirty men who wanted to join our table, and we dug through tasty MSG-filled piles of mystery meat and rice.